Um, excuse me?

What was that?

We all saw it. 

And we all cringed.

Republicans don't kid yourself,  Clint Eastwood's address at the GOP National Convention was just bizarre. Collective jaw drop at two minutes, chest aches by four, and full cardiac arrest on part of the Republicans by the end of it.
 

He's your endearing senile grandfather - just nod and smile, folks. Be sympathetic, but don't take him too seriously. Because one, the POTUS is his imaginary friend. And two, he thinks he's a cowboy still.... Yikes.

On that note - who should the Republicans have drafted?
If there's a lot of conservatives in Hollywood (I'm taking Clint's word for this -- since only he's hot-doggin' it) then why in the world did the GOP choose Clint? My top five picks if I had planned out the speaker's list at the GOP...

1. Jon Voight


Positive points? Jon Voight would have been a more than willing candidate to speak at the GOP convention. After professing his love for Mitt Romney back in January, he obviously didn't just join the bandwagon. He's a nice example of a former Democrat turned Republican (then again everyone was Democrat when JFK was president). Besides him also being a certified 'badass cowboy' (see Midnight Cowboy 1969) -- he probably would have kept his act together.

Negative points? Post interviews. He calls Clint Eastwood's speech 'elegant'...... that's just a blatant lie. I'm also pretty sure Angelina Jolie would go Lara Croft on his ass if he were to make such a speech. This election is going to get bloody but we'd like to avoid actual bloodshed, thanks.

2. Robert Duvall


Positive points? He was in The Godfather -- a gangster with a capital G (bad joke, but I couldn't resist). He loves the smell of Napalm in the morning and recently hosted an Ann Romney fundraiser. He's also in one of my favorite movies 'Get Low', check it out. He probably wouldn't have spoken to a chair either.

Negative points? He doesn't have quite the same appeal as Clint Eastwood. Most people our generation would wonder -- who's that geezer? Sad to say.

3. Drew Carey

Positive points? He's funny. Actually funny, not Clint Eastwood funny. He was a critic of the Bush administration but that would only help the Republican base (because hindsight is 20/20 and no one likes Bush now). I actually don't know if he's supporting Mitt Romney in the next election...but he's been considered a famous 'Republican' in Hollywood. To clarify, he's more of a Libertarian -- a conservative that still gets high. Um. His words, not mine.

Negative points? He's probably more of a Ron Paul supporter.


4. Jessica Simpson

Positive points? We would have expected her to mess up a speech -- and she's smart enough to play the dumb blonde card (wait, what?). She's also still really attractive, at least more so than Clint. Not that the Republicans need any more hotness points with Paul Ryan, but she would have been an interesting choice.  She's endearing and as much America's sweetheart as Jennifer Aniston is to all of us.

Negative points? I will not allow for a blonde Palin. I don't think she'd be the best to discuss politics with.... Yeah, nevermind. That speech would be cringe-worthy too.


5. Chuck Norris


Positive points? Um, hello -- he's Chuck Norris.

Negative points? There are NO negative points.